I often have this habit of thinking “oh wow, can you believe that x and x happened a year ago?! How crazy is that! I can’t believe it.” It did drive some people crazy; probably not just my constant excitement, but maybe they wonder why I can’t just accept the way things are as reality. It is what it is.
My disbelief of my reality comes from a mixture of shock and amazement, sometimes of gratitude and awe, other times it would be moments of reminiscing of the past. But the crazy part about God is that my reality is often such a sliver of what is possible. It’s microcosmic. My reality is only informed by what my brain has gathered information on for the last 26 years, and yet, my God is infinitely abundant and His reality goes beyond what words and language can describe.
He has the ability to transform what I believe is reality in this world, and it’s unfathomable for me to grasp what it might like. Instead of thinking in retrospect, I can maintain a posture of eager awaiting, and a peaceful surrender to know He will surprise me to a new, better, crazier reality that I can ever imagine.
“John’s answer is not simple, but in the simplest possible terms, he says that the dark night is God’s best gift to you, intended for your liberation. It is about freeing you from your ideas about God, your fears about god, your attachment to all the benefits you have been promised for believing in God, your devotion to the spiritual practices that are supposed to make you feel closer to God, your dedication to doing and believing all the right things about God, your positive and negative elations of yourself as a believer in God, your tactics for manipulating God, and your sure cures for doubting God.” — Barbara Brown Taylor, Learning to Walk in the Dark
