I remembered sitting on a rigid black armchair in the middle of a makeshift auditorium of sorts, huddled in the open space of a reception area. I was there for a panel with students with refugee status in Canada — I absentmindedly looked up at a poster engrossing at least half the wall, its bold-faced font screamed high-school motivational poster material, its colourful accentuation of certain words carried obtuse ebullience. One line of this corny poster caught me eye:

If you are looking for the love of your life, stop; they will be waiting for you when you start doing…


Since living in Toronto, and by the very nature of my areas of interest and study, I’ve been much more sensitive to the issues of race, identity, belonging, and my relationship as a person living on this land. As a “Canadian”.

One of the most beautiful and simultaneously distressing thing I learned during master’s degree was my complicated relationship with being Canadian. Ever since my formative years, I always had so much pride to be part of this land. In one of my assignments last year, we had to describe our relationship with immigration, and my vivid memory was my…


“Rebellion, though apparently negative, since it creates nothing, is profoundly positive in that it reveals the part of man which must always be defended” (Albert Camus, The Rebel)

Our lives are a moving through the ebbs and flows of rebellion. As a child, we learn to rebel against the institution that is parental authority, we dabble in pushing boundaries of what is allowed and what isn’t. But parents stymie the process of us being rebels, for if successful, it leads to their lost of power and authority. Naive, despondent children try to make their mark by rebelling, driven by unalloyed…


It was during a regular webinar that I signed up for two weeks ago, at the very end of an informative presentation, that one particular question posed to the presenter suddenly piqued my interest. In a way that stirred a hint of angst in me, and I felt myself trying to push the feeling down.

It’s okay, people are entitled to their opinions.

Just ignore it, it’s a controversial point anyways. Don’t stir things up.

Even in all our years of schooling with its abundance of rigorous exercises to get us to speak our minds, I think only a handful…


My head has been exploding with an unceasing barrage of thoughts I want to put into words that I haven’t been able to recently. There is no paucity of questions or concerns; yet, amidst the bombardment of thoughts, the pages are blank, the screen empty.

The word “empty” has manifested itself many times over. Physically, in my surroundings, the fast moving streetcars that race down the streets, no longer needing to stop for anyone. The coffee shops that bustled with energy just a week earlier, now fully occupied with chairs stacked on top of tables. Figuratively, in the spastic turbulation…


On route back to Toronto from Montreal, I asked if they can change my rear facing train seat to become a forward facing one due to the inevitable motion sickness. The staff compassionately understood me, and before swiftly printing out my new train ticket, she asked for my ID, and I handed her my BC drivers license. Unbeknownst to her that I lived in Toronto now, she smiled gently, and just said: “oh, wow, you’ve come a long way. “

It wasn’t a significant comment, but perhaps it struck the chord when all our feeds are flooded with inspirational yet…


I think for over two years, I have struggled with finding the right path of where I want to go, what I want to do, who I want to be with. It eats me up, consumes my every thought. It fills me up in the morning, conjures up sleeplessness in the night. It’s all about my fight with uncertainty, trying to piece together all the different components of my life to make it all fit together. And the most telling sign of it all are the ‘what-ifs’. Running through probabilities of success and failure, of what I might be missing…


I often have this habit of thinking “oh wow, can you believe that x and x happened a year ago?! How crazy is that! I can’t believe it.” It did drive some people crazy; probably not just my constant excitement, but maybe they wonder why I can’t just accept the way things are as reality. It is what it is.

My disbelief of my reality comes from a mixture of shock and amazement, sometimes of gratitude and awe, other times it would be moments of reminiscing of the past. But the crazy part about God is that my reality is…


Lessons in letting go, moving forward, and trusting in something great.

Beautiful Vancouver mountains, view from the ferry

This past week really has gotten me to exercise all that I have accumulated in my metaphorical toolkit in terms of decision making. One year ago, I would have just been in a frenzy to figure out what is it I need to do, what the right decisions would be, and that would have driven me insane. It still did — don’t get me wrong — but more on a micro level.

From listening into sessions at Groundswell, I learned to write down all my thoughts in a stream of consciousness, to create something that can serve others.

From my…


Majesty

What do we want more than to lie in our bed at the end of the day and just watch our life as a satisfied audience member…But what I do know is that if you can live your life without an audience, you should do it. — Bo Burnham

When was the last time you were quiet? No constant stream of entertainment, music, background noise?

Daniel’s Point, Garden Bay

I have this bad habit of ‘needing’ sound in the early morning when I wake up. It wasn’t because I needed to hear the commentary; I’ve come to realize that it’s as if I am…

LL

Spastic writer and thinker; trying to get my fingers and brain coordinated. Researcher & professional question-asker.

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